I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
