Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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