when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
