i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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