White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
