can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
