What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
