I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
