I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
