Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
