Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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