My pussy is not your playground.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Randomize
