wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
