You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
