she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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