I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
