Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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