my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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