i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
