So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
