So drunk its hurt
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
