Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You made out with two different species that night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
