No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
