somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
