Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
