Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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