Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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