remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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