I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
