i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we're so committed to being not committed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
