I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
