The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
