i can't believe i had my finger in that
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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