Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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