i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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