The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
