i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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