When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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