SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Alive.
So much puke
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
