Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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