I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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