He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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