You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
