That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
