youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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