I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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