Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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