i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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