I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
