Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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